Of Politicians and Poodles, a Satire

Of Politicians and Poodles, a Satire

After a long day of giving speeches, signing papers, and wearing itchy woolen underwear, President George W. Bush felt like he deserved a break. He took off all his clothes and put on: a pair of bloomers (to replace the itchy woolen underwear, of course); a petticoat; frilly socks; a pink puffy dress; white Mary Jane shoes; and a big pink bow. President Bush then used his telepathic powers to transport Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, and Vice President Dick Cheney to the Oval Office.

“See, I told you that I should have resigned sooner,” whispered Donald Rumsfield to no one in particular.

"Why are you wearing a dress, and how did you transport us to your office?!" asked the bewildered Vice President.

“Because I have magical powers, and we're going to Casey’s house, of course!” Bush explained as if it were obvious.

He then teleported the four of them to Casey’s house. “Doesn’t he need to bring some secret service agents? This is dangerous!” Cheney exclaimed.

“No one is going to recognize Bush in a puffy pink dress anyways. Who would believe that he would wear such a thing?” Rice replied.

“Good Point.”

Bush then rang Casey’s doorbell. An apricot colored toy poodle, and a brown haired, heavyset, Caucasian, sloppily dressed man opened the door. “Casey! Michael! I’m so glad to see you two!” exclaimed the President.

“George! Dick! Donald! Condi! Come on in. Would you each prefer to take your tea in a pink pretty princess cup or a purple pretty princess cup?” asked Michael Moore.

“Pink for me please!” replied Bush.

“Isn’t that the guy that made Fahrenheit 9/11?” Cheney whispered to Rice and Rumsfield.

“So will that be pink or purple pretty princess cups for you three?” Casey asked.

“Did that dog just talk?!!” yelled Rice.

“Yes, I can talk. So will that be pink or purple?”

“Purple, please,” the threesome replied in unison.

All six of them proceeded to Casey’s parlor, and each guest was given a drink in a pretty princess cup.

Cheney took a sip out of his cup and promptly spit out the offending liquid. “This isn’t tea, it's bleeping apple juice!” he bellowed, along with many other unprintable words.

“We can’t have you getting cranky from all that caffeine, now can we?” replied Mahmoud Ahmadinejad with a smirk as he entered the room.

“Why on earth is the President of Iran here, and how did he learn English?!” asked the Vice President.

“I learned English by watching Sesame Street and Barney, and I am here to drink out of a pink pretty princess teacup.”

“Okay. So it has nothing to do with obtaining nuclear weapons?”

“Correct. I am also here to plan our world domination”.

“I see.”

“We have all agreed that the world government should be a theocracy; the only disagreement is on the particular religion. I want the world religion to be Shi'a Islam, Casey wants poodle worship, and President Bush wants it to be Evangelical Protistant Christianity, but Michael Moore doesn’t care as long as he gets to make a movie about it.”

“Yep! The king of all bleeding heart liberals is serving us tea in pretty princess cups, our Commander in Chief is wearing a bleeping pink puffy dress and apparently has some kind of weird magical powers, this dog can talk, the President of Iran is going to take over the world, and people wonder why I've resigned!?” exclaimed the former Secretary of Defense exasperatedly in response.

President Bush then found himself in his own bed. “That’s a relief! It was all just a crazy dream!” he said as he threw off the covers and stepped out of his bed so that he could use the bathroom.

When he turned on the light in the bathroom, he screamed. He was wearing a pink, puffy dress.

Copyright Nef 2008

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